On decent relations…

It’s difficult living with someone, yes I know… Sometimes you get put off by their irritating habits, or what they did or did not do… or even the way they talk to you… It’s been a fairly bad weekend for me this past few days… None of the usual rest and relax, but instead its been hectic, full of days trying to catch up with deadlines and having to complete the usual household chores on top of the usual crap, especially since Raya is just round the bend… Sigh…

We spent most of Saturday in town, and with the mad shoppers thinking they absolutely have to get another pair of those cheap slippers, it was almost hellish. It was absolutely imperative that we got some of the things we needed to get. Not for Raya though, it was one of the projects we’re (or rather you) are completing right now. The shopkeepers were particularly foul, since that they behaved as if they owned the world. Excuse me, asshole, it’s my money and I won’t spend it here, thank you very much. Thank the heavens that the experience did not need to be repeated, since we got all we needed that day…

It was a trying day, I have to admit, even for the bravest souls. It was not amazing then, when you lost your temper. But the thing is, you’re not the only hungry one. I get grouchy too when hunger strikes, and even more so when my patience has been eroded down to half a millimeter by the mad shopkeepers. Fine, write it off as a one-off thing… Maybe it was due to all the stresses of working a hectic week, followed by a hectic Saturday in the maddening crowd.

But then again this morning the same ‘character’ appeared. No mad crowds, and since it was a Sunday yesterday, I’m hard pressed to give an excuse to this outburst. Someone even forgot to say a simple ‘bye’ in the morning, and it’s going to be hell today I know… since the same person also left their phone, and I will be having a late day today… I’m considering just going home straight after finishing all the usual shite I have to do today… Sigh… to make it worse, I’m having to depend on waiting for them to call me… Hopefully they do, but I’m not hoping for much, since there wasn’t even a greeting in the morning…

It was not my fault they slept late last night. In fact, it is not my fault they sleep late every night. I’m beginning to wonder why is it that I’m being avoided. It doesn’t help that there’s only two people in our house. Again, I reiterate that it’s not easy living with someone. But there is only so much I can do, and I’m only human too… Don’t forget that one day I’ll be gone… whether by natural or unnatural causes.

Tomorrow will be another stepping stone for this person, whom I love dearly. A stepping stone for the better, I pray… But then my hopes and dreams have a way of not going the way I want it to… In fact, nothing in my life that I’ve wished and hoped and worked my ass off for has ever come out right. Somehow it’s like living with someone completely different. It’s almost as if he was kidnapped by aliens and replaced with an inferior model. I cannot for the life of me, attribute this change to something or someone. Or maybe it is something or someone…

Perhaps it is a sign of my ‘un-wisdom’ that leads me this way… I must learn to spot the signs earlier so that my heart doesn’t get in the way of a demolition crew. Either that, or toughen up, and face the real world on my own, finally. I think I’ve skipped across too many of the challenges in my life by leaning on other people, and projecting my own dreams and ambitions onto others. I don’t know if the person I’m referring to will even bother looking at my blog today… it’s free for all, I guess…

As usual, I will do something to mark that person’s special day. I know what it feels like to be forgotten, and it’s not something I would wish on others. I’m hoping that it’s going to be a better week for me… especially since it’s going to be Raya soon – a time for joy and happiness (or so they say)…

Finally accepting that I have no one but myself to lean on – Jasmine.

ps – I apologize for airing my laundry in public today, but it has to be said… Even if it’s an absent, and imagined audience…

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