On making changes…

Finally, after thinking and thinking and considering the plasma tv purchase for over two years now, we have finally bought one. Price was right, features are great, and the damn thing looks pretty good sitting in the living room. 🙂 The first day it came home, my only thought was “Good God, it’s huge! Are you sure you’re delivering the right one?” It didn’t look quite as massive in the store… And now it’s dominating the whole room! Ah well, I suppose I could get used to a big screen tv…

Bringing home the new tv is a sort of a change for me… I want it to be the focal point for changes to be made, all for the better. Better life and better aspirations, and motivation to achieve them. I keep telling myself that I can be achieving more, that I should be in a better position than I’m in right now…

Ten years ago, I was at the cusp of beginning my own life – school’s finally ended and I can finally pursue my dreams. Somehow somewhere I got sidetracked into this mundane existence, and its pretty much been the same since then. I always thought that by the time I’m at this age, I’d be happily married to prince charming, maybe with a kid or two, and definitely living in a gorgeous house and driving a BMW. Maybe I’d be a hotshot surgeon or lawyer, or living some other dream job… I thought I had it in me, to make these dreams come true. I guess there’s a reason why they call it dreams…

Currently, I live in a smallish house, with everything half-done – the interior, the furnishings and finishings, the garden, the kitchen… everything is half baked! Not really here nor there… More than most people would have at this age, but I think I could have done better… Career-wise, that too is half baked… I do a sort of ‘fill-in-gaps’ kinda job… indispensable but not really with a high-demand specialty… Pay is OK, but could be better… Love life is practically non-existent… I cohabit, but its not full of sparks, and I’m certainly feeling bogged down… This definitely could be WAYYYYYY better…

But then again, looking at other people has made me realize that I do have a relatively good life. Yes, I struggle to pay my bills sometimes, and sometimes they get overdue… But its not like we don’t have enough to eat, or have no roof over our heads… It ain’t so bad… We eat out regularly, and dress decently… It could be better, but for most people this is as good as it gets…

I’m determined, that this will change. I will have a better life, if not for myself, then for my kids… My parents have always provided everything for me, and it’s only fair I can do the same for them in their golden years, and for my kids in the future. I also want that damned Tiffany ring for my wedding… Doesn’t have to be big, but its got to be memorable… And that’s going to cost me, won’t it?

For now, I’ll drown my ‘sorrows’ by watching my huge flatscreen tv… It does make everything seem bigger than life… After all, I do need a big house to go with the big tv, right?

Wishing that you too, dream as I dream, to have a good life together – Jasmine.

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