On the voices in your head…

Yesterday, was pretty much a normal Saturday for me… went out to Sungei Wang to get a new supply of contact lenses, walked around for a bit, shopped at those dodgy niches that sold all sorts of knicks and knacks that aren’t really the real thing but knock offs that go for a decent price… Went with a good friend of mine, Helen, who also had a few little errands to run of her own.

And you, my love, stayed home… because you had an appointment you had to keep with another friend. An appointment that was made weeks ago, and it was one that couldn’t be rearranged, or rescheduled… After all, it was just a girl’s day out shopping…

Being home, the little voices in your head convinced you that I wasn’t out with Helen, but with an imaginary ‘boyfriend’ who’s in KL…. How did that revelation came about, I wonder? Must have been those darn voices in your head, wasn’t it?

Coming home, you threw me a tantrum to make any self-deserving three-year-old proud. It didn’t matter the fellow you assumed I went out with is still thousands of miles away. It didn’t matter it was just an ordinary friend… It didn’t matter at all what ever I say, because the voices in your head are always right… I can never hope to beat them, after all, they have your attention 24-7, don’t they?

I didn’t answer your accusations last night, not because you never did give me a chance. It was because you wouldn’t have heard me anyways, it would have been the voices in your head would have won hands down anyways…

And you walked away, and for the first time ever, I have no idea to where and how you’re getting there… But I have always helped you, and rescued you when you needed it, and supported you emotionally and financially for all these years. I suppose it has become something you take for granted, that I’ll always be here, to catch you when you fall, to put up with all your nameless neuroses, and entertain your childishness… By walking away, I suppose you feel that you don’t need me anymore… You’re getting a job and everything, so you really don’t need me anymore, right?

Well… I wish you well… I hope you finally grow into a responsible and respectable man, and I hope you find someone who’ll love you as selflessly as you wish everyone does… I will wait for you to return, with open arms, but only if you leave the three-year-old behind… I feel that I too, am getting older, and need the stability and security of a safe and comfortable relationship based on trust, love, equality and respect.

Perhaps you will come back, perhaps you will not… Just don’t forget that I too, am human, and will not wait forever with bated breath… At the end of the day, you will have those voices in your head to keep you company, come rain or shine… And they will never ever take you for granted…

Praying against all hope that you will silence the voices in your head, and listen to the ones that love you outside your little head – Jasmine.


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