On envy…

Had lunch with people who are newly in love today, and I couldn’t help but feel that I am being left out. I suppose that is why my mother-in-law once told me that there are three kinds of people that one should never bother : A person who just got married, a person who just moved houses, and a person who just recently fell in love. They’re not even on the same planet as you are!

Digging deeper, I feel that its not just feeling left out, but also an ache that rises from envy. Envy – because I miss that, the feeling of being in love, the feeling of being adored. I cannot help but notice that he cannot keep his hands off her – whether its her hair or her skin, or just watching the twinkle in her eye.

How he tries so hard to make her happy, and how she leans into him and whispers sweet nothings, and how they share a giggle, while I try my darnest best to imitate a potted plant.

And where am I in all of this? Looking in from the outside, and feeling like I’m lightyears away… It truly is depressing… I know I’ve said it over and over again, different people love differently, and mine must be the old-auntie garden variety kind. Not the romantic, I’ll-get-the-door, never-make-you-wait, you’re-the-priority kind, but I suppose I must learn to be thankful for what I have.

I know where I stand, and gracefully take my leave. From now on, no more piggybacking on lunches or anything of that sort. No more invites to picnics or outings. No more yumchas. Its utterly selfish, but I do need to keep my sanity. Its utterly unbelievable, because I truly am happy for the both of you, but you remind me too much of the reality that I live in… And for that, I will make an effort not to be in your litle world, because in it, mine seems a little too flawed…

My apologies, if I have offended you, but it is something that needs to be said – Jasmine.

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