On choices…

Recently, I was introduced to a man who soon after meeting me, proudly announced that he married his wife of 1 year within four months of meeting her. Now, I’m not against marriage or ‘love at first sight’ or what-have-you, just that in the same breath, the man, who I shall now call ‘Cheapskate’ over his choice of clothes, even more proudly proclaimed that his wife was a virtuous woman…

Again, I’m not against ‘virtuous’ women or religious ones, or those who chose to fall in love after marriage and all that – that is their personal choices and not mine. I just have beef with Cheapskate.

He then asks me, “How long have you been married?” How dare you ask me that. I have only been legally married for a short period of time, but I have been in this relationship for over a decade, and we both have worked hard to make it work – tolerance, equality and respect are high on our list of priorities.

In the same conversation, he proudly said that he spent 30k on his wedding, and it was a huge thing, and big deal for him to have organized everything himself. He even showed me the wedding photos. I suppose I am not a conventional Malay woman, so I wasn’t impressed with the wedding… Even more unimpressive was the wife – she looked completely ordinary and plain…

At the time, it seemed perfectly normal – ultra-mamak, marries another ultra-conservative mamak, who are proud of their values and whatnots…

Fast-forward two weeks down the road, the same man, Cheapskate now tells me that he’s had it all before – the ‘life’ before marriage – relationships and whatnots. And certainly not of the ‘virtuous’ kind. I ask then, why not marry one of those girls who you’ve conveniently left behind after the fun and games? He answered, because you need a different kind of woman to have a family with.

My instant reaction is, what the f**k? Its right for you to screw around, sleep around with girls before, then suddenly, you want to get married to an innocent and naive girl, who’s never had carnal knowledge and what-not before? He also proudly says that his wife takes care of him – cooks, cleans and organizes his days after she comes home from work…

What happened to equality and respect for women? So those girls before marriage, they were ‘entertainment’ and not worthy of your undying love and affection? The mother of your children, who will feed you and iron your clothes must be a simple girl who thinks the world of you? And what happens to those women who ‘know the worldly ways’ once you’ve left them?

Certainly, a double standard is being applied here – date a woman who is willing to sleep with you, and give you room to breathe and grow your career, but marry a naive woman who believes your word and happiness is the law. I suppose I’m angry with Cheapskate, because he embodies, to me at least, all that is wrong with the typical Malay or Muslim men – it’s OK for me to have fun, but my wife must be a goody-two-shoes. Oh, don’t forget, virginal too on the wedding night. Nevermind that I’ve had my threesomes and what nots.

I’m just wondering – how do they make a connection, and decide to marry a person after only knowing them for four months? And then, since the man has experienced the joys of unencumbered carnal pleasures, will he then settle for the bread-and-butter ordinariness of the wife (who due to being virtuous, might not be so open to unconventional ideas in bed?) And then, when they hit their forties or later, will they find a mistress who will stimulate them mentally and physically?

I cannot imagine being such a woman. Even worse, I cannot even fathom the idea of spending my life with someone like that. And I have pretty much lost my respect for Cheapskate, although it is something I need to have to function well at work. I hope it works out well for them… 

Telling myself that work is separate from personal life – Jasmine.

On beauty…

Happened to bump into this image taken aboard the International Space Station, of the Sarychev Peak eruption in the Kuril Islands… Found it fascinating such a tremendously powerful and destructive force of Mother Nature, could at the same time be infinitely elegant and beautiful…

Makes one feel insignificant, doesn’t it? – Jasmine.

On leering…

Working in a predominantly male environment, it cannot be helped that I inevitably interact with people who talk to my boobs. Its been done since time immemorial, and unless its particularly disturbing, I’ve pretty much learned to live with it. It only gets nasty when one stares too long or too openly, or makes an effort to come over to my spot of the world to ogle at my boobs.

Typically, my choice of clothes in the morning will dictate how much booby-real estate I will be exposing, and depending on the day, I usually show a small amount of cleavage, if only to emphasis on my better ‘features’ and catch their attention in the first place. However, in no circumstance, regardless of the quantum of cleavage displayed, is anyone invited to openly stare. And more than definitely, it is not an open advertisement of my charms or their availability. That purview is already signed, sealed and delivered to my dearest Giraffe.

Protocol dictates that they can look once, and that is it. Manners dictate that I forgive them for looking once, because its hard to ignore in the first place. Looking any more often than once, or ogling for an extended period of time, or even worse, talking to my boobs while I’m talking to their forehead is an absolute no-no.  

It then comes as a surprise to me, that at my current workplace (which, by the way, is the same space occupied by my dearest hubby, the Giraffe) there are people, or at least one perverted old fella who would actually walk up from his desk to talk to one of the fellas who sits opposite me, from where a very good vista of my cleavage can be seen. It gets pretty obvious when he pops over, because his eyes are on my  boobs while he’s talking, and he doesn’t even notice that I am staring at him. That is how oblivious he is…

It doesn’t help the fella is old, balding and downright fugly. I don’t mind if Giraffe looks at me, after all I do love attention from my Giraffe. Oh looky, baldy is here again, for the fourth time since I came in this morning, and its only been an hour plus… Oh boy, today is going to be long day indeed!

I wonder if they notice that we notice you are looking. As  I said before, one look is all you get before the ‘PERVERT’ label is slapped on. I wonder if they know what they are doing can be considered as sexual harrasment. And I’ll be darned if I have to dress like a nun because there are people in my workplace who do not know how to behave when a woman is around.

For the fugly baldy, here’s a cleavage you can stare at till kingdom come, and no one will be pissed off…

 

 

Women are especially perceptive when men are staring at them. And they don’t forgive or forget. Especially of the ‘wife’ kind… Keep that in mind, baldy – Jasmine.

On debris…

Actually wrote this last week, but thought twice about posting… I guess thinking too much about posting or not makes the point of blogging moot, no?

I have been coming to work for the same employer, more or less, five days a week for over 4 years now. Today is my last day in employment here, and as pack and clean up my space for the last time, I feel a pang of sadness…

Although I was unceremoniously let go, just as the other employees were as our finances were hit hard, I feel that I’ve contributed all that I had to make whatever project I was part of, to be a success – always exceeding expectations and according to deadlines.

Yes, I have always complained that I am underpaid and unappreciated here, and did not make good impressions. Perhaps I’m not an easygoing person as I thought, but I did work my butt off…

Clearing out my files and whatnots, I came across the debris and hubris that filled my little room, and each little scrap of paper – filled with scribbles, random notes, receipts of purchases long past – held their own mini stories, and I’m actually reminiscing… As much as I won’t admit it, this place holds many memories for me, even if not all of them pleasant and worth remembering…

Just three weeks ago, I spent sleepless nights from the fear of uncertainty, of being without an income and perhaps of my own insecurities – Who would want to hire me? I have since discovered that my skill sets are fairly unique in combination, and the experience of working here all these years has made me more valuable to potential employers than I previously thought. I thank the heavens above for opening doors and opportunities just when I need it the most…

Next week, I’ll be turning over a new leaf – new job, new friends and a new environment. This time, without the prejudices and stereotyping of one who works for someone who’s known me all my life. This time, without someone perpetually scheming to make me look lazy, incompetent or otherwise plain irresponsible. This time, I hope to be appreciated and acknowledged for the hard work that I will do, and be rewarded accordingly. This time, I hope that my intelligence and experience is fully utilized, and not left to rot in the furthest reaches of the mind…

Funny how everything that surrounds my working space fits into a smallish box – Jasmine.