On life, or something like it…

It’s been a crazy month for me… Settling into a new job – new people, new environment, new routines (isn’t that an oxymoron?) new job descriptions and roles… It’s been alright, other than a few hiccups here and there. Some of the hiccups are more like huge roadblocks, and it has been bringing me down.

I’m pretty much a people person, but I don’t take crap from people, especially pushy and obnoxious ones. Working with an immediate superior who is pushy and obnoxious is hard for me, especially when he tries to intimidate me. People who know me will know that it is certainly not easy to intimidate me. With that said, my new work environment otherwise is as good as I would wish – decent food and parking, and the rest of the division are great with me.

For a while, I even contemplated resigning and living the Tai-tai life for good (the one that nearly killed me with boredom). I have since been moody and depressed and was perpetually scheming to get days off from work, and this was a job that I had been doing for about two months! The best days were the ones where Obnoxious Intimidator wasn’t around, and I’d be at peace to do what I do. When he was around, things got a little hairy.

Even commited a CKM – a ‘Career-Killing Move’ by not being able to keep my temper in check and shooting off my mouth once, but lucky for me, the guy who offered me the job in the first place is more on my side, and decided to tell Obnoxious Intimidator to ease off on me… Thank God.

Back to thinking of resigning, I calculated what I had to be making just to make ends meet, and came to the conclusion that for a substantial part of my remaining natural life, I would have to work, unless I stumble upon a pile of cash sometime soon ūüėõ What I make in the current role ain’t exactly posh, but it’s definitely a help to keep the bills in check, and although I am broke for most of the month, life is pretty decent.

This morning however, reminded me of how good life has been to me. Started with an email describing how I have been doing a decent job. And then, in the midst of my day, I happened upon Baz Luhrmann’s song ‘Everybody’s Free’. Listening to the song put things in perspective for me, and how much I’ve overblown everything.

I am suddenly thankful for having found my soulmate, having a job, a roof over my head, for never having to go hungry¬†and being surrounded by people who love me. Even if I am broke, I know I will survive on a standard of living that is quite decent. I am determined to make this work, and prove to myself at least, that I am capable of achieving¬†greater heights on my¬†own accord. I should learn to stand on my¬†own two feet, and I think it is time I did that, especially now that I am¬†fast entering my third decade of life, or something like it, on God’s¬†green¬†Earth. Even more so now¬†that I am¬†seriously thinking about having children before my expiry date flashes by…¬†

I promise to my Giraffe that things will only get better, so be patient and forgiving with me, please?

Note to self – Whenever you feel depressed and feel like doing something stupid without thinking, listen to Baz Luhrmann, again – Jasmine.

ps – Apologies for the lack of creativity in the twists and turns of my words today, working in a geeky environment hasn’t let me flex my creative brain cells very much ūüėõ


On ‘cangkulan’…

The radio boys have a unique term for work – they call it ‘cangkulan’ – which when transalated into English, literally means to dig or till the soil. In this day and age, very rarely does one till the soil literally for a living, do they?

‘Cangkulan’ brings to mind a vision of a sweaty, tired peasant working the fields – backbreaking and a thankless job for peanut returns. Its true that even the peasants these days use modern machines and powertools – its hardly possible to see anyone literally till, even out in the boondocks…

So why is it yours truly, thinking of work in these terms? I suppose because I feel I’m not being paid enough for the work I do, and should be paid a lot more. It is unfortunate then, my current employment status – especially with regard to the official job title and descriptions, limit the pecuniary rewards that come my way.

What I do, is quite different from the official job description given to me. In all honestly, completing just the requirements of the job description would have left me braindead, and without any mental stimulation. I have taken it upon myself to be doing a whole lot more beyond that description, and in the process made my employers realize that they’re really getting a good bang for their proverbial buck.

Initially, I thought that this was a good strategy to ensure my move up the ladder – as there is ample opportunity here for growth and acknowledgement. It is now a matter of settling in to the grind, and swallowing the bitter pill that I picked for myself… I’ve been told that by working hard and bringing in results, I would be duly rewarded. No hard work, no reward then. So better work hard, ehh?

So, I suppose its really my own fault for making an effort beyond my job description, kan? Padan muka! Back to the tills, then – Jasmine.